I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
