saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
