Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
