It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
