she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize