you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
