let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
