he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
