who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
