I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
