man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
