I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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