I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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