I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
