So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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