I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize