Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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