OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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