if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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