i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
