dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
