so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
