i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am available for nakedness
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
