he wants to bone in the snuggie
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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