Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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