One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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