So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
