Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
