I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
