I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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