Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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