just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
