The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
