sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
