You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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