so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
