so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
