His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
