I wanna bring you to show and tell
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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