I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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