apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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