don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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