Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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