You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
