I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize