Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to make out with him forever
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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