Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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