You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
