Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love you.
Bad choice
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