Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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