i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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