matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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