Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
