i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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