When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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