OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
