I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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