so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
