I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
