I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
