i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
