my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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