The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
