Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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