Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
