the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is my gift to your gina
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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