drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
