I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
