I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i dont even know how to be here
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
