I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize