he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need a burrito and a hug.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
