Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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