like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
