And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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