They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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