Pappa wants mamma naked
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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