Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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