2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
