Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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