So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
