Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
