he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Someone came in the potted fern
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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