My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize