If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
