I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize