I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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