i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
