you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
