white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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