Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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