after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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