but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize