i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
