I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
