we're blogging at a bar
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
