I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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