Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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