I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
high people should be assigned attendants
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
