What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
