I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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